“study confirmed that people with experience of mental illness are capable of working… many were working in highly skilled, demanding occupations.” – I Haven’t Told Them, They Haven’t Asked – Debbie Peterson
“There have been biographical studies of earlier generations of artists and writers, which show that they have 18 times the rate of suicide as compared to the general population, 8-10 times the rate of clinical depression, and 10-20 times the rate of bipolar disorder.” – Is Creativity A Symptom Of Bipolar Disorder
I introduced my ongoing discussion about mental illness here. I have always worked in jobs where being bipolar was useful or even desirable. Industries like engineering, hospitality and advertising where long hours and creative thinking are expected. It is hard to know if I was attracted to those industries because I was bipolar or if being bipolar lead me to end up in those industries.
“With each regulatory error, the person’s symptoms become more noticeable, and more serious. It’s like a snowball rolling downhill: eventually the circadian rhythms and other regulatory systems are completely off track, resulting in extreme mood swings, and bringing on depression, mania, or other abnormal states of mind. The affected person may start to have noticeable errors in thinking. He may even hear sounds or voices that aren’t there, feel that he’s being watched, or think that he is a special person with a great mission to accomplish.” – psychcentral.com
Disturbed circadian rhythms are an important factor in triggering a bipolar episode. The latest and most destructive episode ( which cost me everything that is important to me ) was foreshadowed by a change in sleeping routines. I began to work longer hours, sleep less and become increasingly emotionally disconnected from my family.
I became increasingly disconnected from reality and delusional with self aggrandizement leading me to overestimate my own abilities and worth. I felt intensely creative but it was directed in unhealthy ways. Instead pursuing creative projects that would have contributed in a positive way to myself and my family I pursued ones that were damaging and destructive.
I engaged in behaviors that I cannot discuss because to do so would hurt once again those that I love and care about. While in a manic state risk taking behavior becomes more prevalent as the normal social filters are disabled. There is an increase in confrontational behavior and hyper-sexuality.
The problem with the manic phase is that it feels good. It feels great to be able to work long hours, feel mentally energized with ideas flowing freely. It is only a temporary condition and will soon be replaced by depression and regret.
Unfortunately there is no external hand that can correct the damaged plot narrative of your life.
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